rocket science

I realise I have long thought a relationship was seamless: a constant holiday, with morning kisses under brightly lit curtains and a soft cool breeze.

There would be no late nights at work. There would be no traffic jams. There would be no in-laws. There would be no second thoughts, no regrets, no uncertainty.

Despite first-hand evidence to the contrary, the idea persists.

The intellect screams "folly". The Realist, "Romantic!" The cynic, "fool".

But despite the cacophony, the idea persists.

And now, that a question of commitment again seems to loom with daggers to pin down my wings, the idea seems petrifying.

Then again it was always I who would work late. it was always I that had somewhere else to be. It was always I with the absent family. It was I with the second thoughts, regrets and uncertainty.

And it was I who left it all and took the holiday: waking up alone under sometimes bright curtains. Waiting for a soft cool breeze. Longing for a kiss.